I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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