I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
