u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
