you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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