he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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