So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
