i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
