so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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