You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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