she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
