I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
