Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
