Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
