Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
