i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
im on a boat
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