Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize