I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
