i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
