I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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