i will never coherently bang her
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
