Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
