It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
