Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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