Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
