tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
