I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
