would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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