So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
