Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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