But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
