Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
