Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
