I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
