Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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