you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
