I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
