she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
