I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
