Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize