when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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