I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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