I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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