Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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