I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
