True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
