I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
