Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
