If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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