My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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