im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize