Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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