OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
