that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
