Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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