he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
