she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
