Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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