Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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