did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Drunk is not a location!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize