i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
