My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
