Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
