Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
