I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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