what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
