thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
