Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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