He felt like a one man threesome
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
