she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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