I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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