Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
