your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
