"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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