and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
