Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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