Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
