I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
