apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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