he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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