Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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